12 - TOTALLY MENTAL (II)

I strive to fit in with the hive. I try to get behind every new idea that comes my way, but I never leave anything back there to find, just in case anyone is looking.

I try not to use my mind too much. I know that thinking about such, and such will get me nowhere, so I make it a point to not to go there. 

I go to work, earn my money. I stop by the store and grab food, for my tummy. We all work hard and do the same; it’s survival that we think of. It’s not just some silly game.

We pay bills for homes that we don’t even live in. We have visiting hours that are basically a sin - but we don’t need to relax, we say...

“We’ll sleep when We're dead.”

 

14 - MY SECRET

I have no light inside. It is not dead. I do not hide my sadness anymore. I don’t think I killed my light, it might have just disappeared one lonely night when I was lying next to you in bed.

.

It probably went where happiness goes. I mean that stuff just flows out like it's coming from an endless well until one day everything looks like a little slice of hell.

I thought I had more to say, but it all fell out of me one day in the shower as I was getting ready for life and thinking about day to day strife, and all the bullshit I have to put up with.

Maybe my light isn’t gone. It’s lost, or I tossed it away thinking that I wouldn’t use need it anymore. I mean, what the fuck do I use if for? I couldn’t see myself saying that way back when, but suddenly I’m so unsure again.

Well, I know the score, and I’m not sore. I’m not giving up on life, just giving up on a kind of happiness that doesn’t cut it anymore.

7 - JOHNNY FORTUNE

When the “Friday Night Lights” became “Thursday Night Softball” games – That’s when it was over. Not your youth, but your childhood. 

You didn’t know it right away, but you can only play those types of games for so long before it finally catches up. After a knee injury and a jolt to the head by a baseball bat swung by an off work Federal Agent who you’d never hang out with if it wasn’t for this. 

So you have to make a new game plan and the contest becomes money and it’s kind of funny because there’s a similar satisfaction - seeing facts and figures laid out on paper, big bank account balances and fat tax returns in April. Everything’s different, but exactly the same and you find out that fortune is something far different from fame.